I'm You, Dickhead
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I'm You, Dickhead
But what is it exactly, that makes someone a dickhead I did a little Twitter survey to crowdsource a precise definition. The answers I received ranged from "standing on the left side of an escalator," to racism, sexism and then back to "eating a smelly sandwich on the tube." All examples had one thing in common: They related to the public sphere. An arsehole does what he or she wants to do, with no consideration for other people.
After three ignored calls and five texts from my friends I write back: "Not coming." My friends aren't mad but let me know that I just missed an "epic triple word score". I realise that there could be a lot or merit in being a dickhead.
Mate mate you come to Birmingham mate I'll fuckin bite your face off and shove it up your asshole you little dickhead, you little fucking knob. You were talking about the whispering maybe you should stop whispering yourself first you little fucking mommy's boy now shut your mouth and fuck off dickhead. You know something you little fucking muppet I'll tell you where I live, I live in FUCKING Birmingham, Smethwick, you little fucking bic-dickhead FIND OUT WHERE IT IS, YEAH. COME BIRMINGHAM and I'll BITE YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF. I WILL FUCK YOU UP DICKHEAD I WILL FUCK YOU UP YOU LITTLE KNOB YOU SENT ME THE FIRST MESSAGE. I'M A FUCKING BIG MAN YOU LITTLE FUCKING DICKHEAD. I'M COMING FOR YOU, BIG MAN SIX FOOT, BIG ASS STOCKY MAN, SO COME SMETHWICK, AND I'LL BITE YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF. YOU SENT ME THE FIRST MESSAGE, SO NEXT TIME CHECK YOUR MESSAGES YOURSELF YOU FUCKING DICKHEAD What did i fucking shout at you down the mic for, playing your fucking mouth, mate, to my bro man. You sent me a message first, yeah. I live in Smethwick Birmingham if you want to FUCKING brawl. COME down, Smethwick, ask for Danny G, I'LL COME OUT MY HOUSE, AND I'LL BREAK YOUR FUCKING LEGS! YOU LITTLE PRICK! HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING! HEAR WHAT I'M, FUCKING SAYING! COME BIRMINGHAM AND I WILL FUCK YOU UP, COME BIRMINGHAM NOW, AND I WILL FUCK YOU UP! I TOLD YOU WHERE I LIVE, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE I LIVE! I LIVE IN FUCKING SMETHWICK, NOW COME, AND I'LL KILL YAH. What's my problem What's my problem You, is my fucking problem. Shut your fucking mouth I'LL FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE AND I WILL COME AND FUCK YOU UP IN YOUR OWN HOUSE. SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM GEEZER, I AM A FUCKING MONSTER. DON'T FUCK ME ABOUT AND I'LL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND I WILL FUCK YOU UP IN YOUR OWN HOUSE. I TOLD YOU WHERE I LIVE. COME TO MY HOUSE, SMETHWICK, COME TO MY HOUSE AND WE'LL SEE WHO KNOCKS WHO OUT MATE I'LL BREAK YOUR FUCKING FACE. SERIOUSLY MATE I'LL BREAK YOUR FACE, I WILL BREAK YOU OPEN, I SWEAR TO GOD YOU LITTLE PRICK. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE 17 YOU LITTLE KNOBHEAD. I'VE GOT FUCKING KIDS OLDER THAN YOU MAN, I GOT KIDS THAT WILL FUCK YOU UP YOU DICKHEAD.
I've generally always worked with amazing clients and even absolute dream clients (the ones who completely trust me to get on with things and return them some brilliant results in the process), but I didn't know just how wonderful they were until I actually started working with them. Therefore, the whole attraction thing has to be at least, in part, wishful thinking. For as long as there is a net, people will always slip through it. I think people are scared of admitting this for fear of sounding like a failure. You're not a failure. But the dickhead client They're a dickhead.
Whether the whole thing comes down to bad luck or even bad judgement, either way, you'll feel like shit when you work with a dickhead, so here are 7 ways to make yourself feel a hell of a lot better in the aftermath and give yourself some much talked about self care. Oh, and feel free to use whatever definition of 'dickhead' that you like. There are literally hundreds.
And two, don't let it stop you from being a nice person, a decent human, and the antidote to the dickhead pandemic. I've written previously about not wanting to simply grow a thick skin, and